I almost forgot!

Most days I go to work and perform the many duties associated with work. Other days were like tonight, when I had a Oprah moment. I have worked in the same place for years. I have taken care of many of the same people everyday. While others I can't remember their names (it is a rehab facility). One patient who has been there for the last few years and has some mental retardation but on the other hand is one of the most intelligent human beings on the planet, said "I want to tell you something, but I don't want you to get a big head." I smiled and said that it was probably to late for that too happen. She giggled and said, "I only feel at home when you are here." I smiled and thanked her. What else could I really say? She then got that child like giggle she has, and made me promise not to tell "the other nurses".

-one more note- I really need to start spellchecking this thing. I was reading some past entries because I didn't realize someone had made a comment, and some of my posts are really really bad. I am going to try to do better then that. As it appears it would be a fair question for someone to wonder if i actully did graduate college.

Supreme Court decision on Eminent Domain

As everyone else as outraged about this as me? One more reason Canada is looking better all the time. I can see the use of property for roads, but for business? It is just wrong. It is already happening in Texas, "Freeport officials instructed attorneys to begin preparing legal documents to seize three pieces of waterfront property along the Old Brazos River from two seafood companies for construction of an $8 million private boat marina." (Here is the full article). So I guess in this great country of ours, you know the land of the free type thing that people once believed in and gave their lives for, we are going to allow this. I suggest that we boycott any business that uses this practice to manipulate their own situation. I don't own much, but I do own nine acres of my own heaven full of trees, wildlife, and a creek. I work hard everyday to buy the things I want (yeah one day I will actully have a house in the middle of it lol) and in a matter of a few peices of paperwork anybody that wants my land for a business can have it? I just decided, I wnat the land those Supreme Court Judges live on. i would like to build a Quickie Mart. A Quickie Mart would benefit other citizens a lot better then those million doller homes they lay their heads down in? I mean wouldn't it be more beneficial tome and others to have the oppertunity to get a slurpee when I wanted one then to drive across town? I think so.

40lbs down...

Nursing school wrecked havoc on me in the weight department. i went from eating out every once in awhile to eating out for most meals. I gained about 80lbs and have been miserable ever since. My under active thyroid does not help the situation, and the fact that although I am well aware of the dangers I never take my pills. I came to a conclusion that although I only eat twice a day on a good day, I was doing something to maintain this weight. it never dawned on me that it might be the fast food until I watched "Super Size Me" and watched the poor guy balloon up after only eating McDonalds for 30 days. I sat down 3 months ago and figured up my calorie intake for that day. My usual meal of a crispy chicken and large fries were more calories then anybody needs in one day. Not too mention that I usually eat around 6 pm and so by the time I get home at 12 am or so that I usually grabbed soemthing, chips, a sandwich or whatever else might be convient, that I was eating usually 3000 calories a day (figuring in my Moutain Dew). If you would take a look at the amount of food I was eating, it really wasn't that much. So not only have I saved money by quitting fast food I have lost weight with very little effort. What I mean by that is no more activity then I normally do. I recently wore a pedometer to work just see how many miles I walked in a average day. I was suprised that I walk about 7-8 miles at work alone in eight hours, not a whole lot but I ain't sitting around etheir. So I now purchase meals to take to work with me. nothing special usually Hot Pockets, Healthy Choice meals, or something along those lines. I now am usually hungry when I get off work probably due to the fact that my calorie intake has dropped so much during the evening, that I fill myself up with a good bowl of soup when I get home. My favorite this week is Chicken Noodle and a grilled cheese sandwich. I now drink Diet Mountain Dew on occasion but have developed an almost obsession with Aquafina's flavor splash water in Rasberry and would choose that over just about any food! Popcorn is my snack item instead of chips and fresh fruit is my dessert if I want one. I never knew I could eat so much and stay under 1200 calories (which is my daily goal). The only fast food I eat now is Subway. I can't beleive how many calories is in those huge subs. Nothing when compared to a McDonalds meal. So anyways, if you have not seen Supersize Me, you should. It will open your eyes. Especially if you are struggling with your weight. I can't even explain the feeling of when you pull something out of the closet that you havn't been able to wear for years and it fits or fits better.

Monday...

I am so dreading the next few weeks of work. If I didn't have any bills (yeah like who doesn't right) I would honestly not even show up. For those of you not in the healthcare field, and even those of you that are, but have not worked in long term care, staffing on a daily basis can go from nothing to too much in a matter of weeks. In a small rural area the pool of workers is small so it can take days...Weeks or months to find one person that can perform at a decent level. Leaving a situation like I am now facing. Just last week all was great. With the loss of some employees over last week once again we have too little staff. I have never took on the roll that a lot of nurses do (at least 45% around here) that I am above any type of patient care that involves sh*t, vomit, pee, you know the gross stuff. I am willing to jump right into this mess, do my part in keeping things going. But tomorrow unless by some miracle of greatness I will be taking care of 40 patients with one nursing assistant to get up, put to bed, feed, clean, dress, take to the bathroom etc. I could handle this if I have one hardworking assistant, I could easily pull half the load of the get up, put to bed, feed, clean, dress, take to the bathroom. But the assistant sced. To work with me cannot handle a 1/4 of this load. So therefore I have pretty much ruled that this is next to impossible and I feel sick. The stress of feeling overwhelmed has already settled in the pit of my stomach and I want to kick myself hard enough to cause some type of injury that would at least leave me unable to perform any type of work. It will be weeks before someone can be trained and placed so that I won't have to do this. Maybe I should be optimistic that by some magic the situation will be fixed for the evening and I will actually be able to pass medications out. But I don't see that happening. I know that every profession right down to the local McDonaldas nights when they work short. Its not the working short in itself that gets me, its the fact that one moment of craziness and I could make a mistake that would harm a person or even kill them. I keep telling myself that miracles do happen and that I should try and sleep tonight, at least my mistake would then not be caused from lack of sleep.

FRONTLINE: watch online

I have been spending way too much time over at the pbs website watchingFrontline. I love any true story no matter what it is about. They always leave some time for you to stop and think, hey maybe I don't have it so bad afterall. Although I had to wonder what possessed me to be watching "Memory of the Camps" about the concentration camps all by myself at 3 in the morning. The saddness of the film penetrates your soul. "The New Assylums" gives you a whole new outlook on prison life. It was amazing how many times I immediatly picked up on the inmates mental illnesses. The documentary basically states how the shutdown of mental hospitals in Ohio has turned the prison system into a assylum. It brought me to one of the biggest political issues that people seem to ignore. Maybe because I live near some of the bigger mental hospitals in the state and the fact that one has had to shut their doors this year saddens me. A while back I had the opportunity to care for a patient from the hospital that was shutting down. After that experience I drew some very strong conclusions. The patient was very young (25 I believe) and had spent most of his entire life at the hospital. Born with a major heart defect that prevented oxygen to his brain he had the mentality of maybe a five year old boy that could form very few words to make himself understood. At the time in order to continue to decrease the funding provided by the state, the section of the hospital that actully provided more hospital type services like IV medications and care of Central Lines (An IV catheter into one of the largest veins deep inside the body), he was sent to our facility for the administration of his antibiotics via the central line. Along with him came crews of two staying with him in his room 24 hours a day. They basically held him down so I wouldn't get slugged when I was starting his meds. He threw tremendous temper tantrums and would become violent and throw furniture etc. His caregivers were there more or less to prevent as much damage to our staff and furniture as possible. We did have one incident where he managed to get a trash can and shatter it when he threw it at the wall. His caregivers made the statement to me that has always stuck with me. "It is hard to just let him be himself here, all of his furniture is bolted to the floor at home." Hmm...at home. He turned out to be a very sweet "kid" actully. All of the nurses formed somekind of a bond with him over the four weeks he was with us. He drew us pictures of yellow suns, red hearts and rainbows. He would become very upset if we did not take them and became very proud when his caregivers took him for his afternoon walk and he would see his pictures taped to the nursing station. I often find myself wondering what happened to him? Where is he now that his "home" is closed? Did the state place him into one of the many group homes that have popped up around because they are cheaper to maintain? How in the world does someone care for him properly in a group home setting? (Although I am 99.9% sure he wasn't placed in a group home surely) My main thought has always been I want to take this poor child and place him into a room at the capitol with all those politicians that feed us their good will and charm at election time, lock the door and leave. One out burst and maybe they would see the errors in their ways.

Another scary thought. The caregivers also discussed with me a patient that was known to be very functional in society most of the time and then he would snap. At these moments he would have some kind of episode in a public place and be brought back for treatment. He didn't believe he was sick and would stop taking his meds upon release. He would often attempt to "break out" of the hospital, and although it would be a short lived jaunt into the parking lot, he would manage to break out several employees car windows during his great escape. These are the kinds of people our politicians think will be ok outside of a hospital? I just don't get it. People shouldn't have to go to prison to get treatment. The state of healthcare in our country leaves very few options for people without health insurance. It is like our society is walking down a long tunnel and one day when we reach the end and see the light it will be too late. The mentally ill will walk our streets, homeless, scared and with noone to care for them...Just my two cents worth.